Warren Bennis (1994) emphasizes the need to know yourself in order to become a good leader. He says that leaders must have self-knowledge if they want to be freed up sufficiently to think in new ways. Bennis claims that you make your life your own by understanding it, and become your own designer, rather than being designed by your own experience. He itemizes four lessons of self-knowledge. These are:
One: be your own teacher. Leaders assume responsibility for their own learning, and treat it as a route to self-knowledge and self-expression. No one can teach them the lessons they need to learn. Stumbling blocks can be denial and blame.
Two: accept responsibility and blame no one. Do not expect other people to take charge, or do things for you.
Three: you can learn anything you want to learn. Leadership involves a kind of fearlessness, an optimism and a confidence.
Four: true understanding comes from reflecting on your experience. Leaders make reflection part of their daily life. An honest look at the past prepares you for the future.
Bennis also notes the potential benefits of leaders recalling their childhoods honestly, reflecting on them, understanding them, and thereby overcoming the influence that childhood has on them. He quotes Erikson, the famed psychoanalyst, who says that there are eight stages of life each with an accompanying crisis (see Development stages and their challenges ). Erikson claims that the way in which we resolve the eight crises determines who we will be. He also notes that we may get stuck at a particular stage if we do not manage to solve the crisis satisfactorily. For instance many of us never overcome the inner struggle between initiative and guilt, and so we lack purpose.
Development stages and their challenges
Stage
Crisis
Resolution
Conditions for optimal development
Infancy (0–18 months)
Trust vs mistrust
Hope or withdrawal
Mirroring Acceptance
Early childhood (18 months–3 years)
Autonomy vs shame and doubt
Will or compulsion
Security (routines and rituals)
Play age (3–5 years)
Initiative vs guilt
Purpose or inhibition
Clear boundaries Vision setting
School age (8–12 years)
Industry vs inferiority
Competence or inertia
Spectators Discipline
Adolesence (12–28 years)
Identity vs identity confusion
Fidelity or repudiation
Sampling Modelling
Young adulthood (28–40 years)
Intimacy vs isolation
Love or exclusivity
Maturity Identity
Adulthood (40–55 years)
Generativity vs stagnation
Care or rejectivity
Balance Mastery
Maturity (55+)
Integrity vs despair
Wisdom or disdain
Support Forgiveness
As a leader you may need to overcome some of the habits you developed at an early age, which will be challenging but rewarding. Usually this process is accomplished via coaching, counseling or therapy depending on how deep you want or need to go.