Here’s a story that reveals a relatively complex emotional situation, in part because it involves ethical compromises.
The Story: Helen and Dan
Helen and Dan were excited about the client—a major ad agency— they were calling on that morning. It was the first time they had been asked to submit a proposal of this type to the agency. After a conference call the previous week with the vice president in charge of the project from the agency, there was an air of mystery surrounding it. The VP and his staff asked several questions about different projects that Helen and Dan’s firm had conducted, asked about their expertise and background, and gave a few hints as to what the new project might entail. But they indicated that they did not want to reveal either the name of their client or the nature of the project—a bit mysterious and quite intriguing.
After a few introductions and the typical pleasantries were exchanged, the meeting began. However, the VP’s assistant, Ed, left the room and returned in a few minutes with a handful of forms. “Our non-disclosure agreement,” he indicated on his return. “We just need you to sign this. We do it all the time.” The VP noticed Helen and Dan’s surprise and added, “Read it first, of course. We just want to make sure that you keep the information we’re disclosing confidential. That wouldn’t be a problem, would it?”
It was Helen’s client, and Dan was assisting her in the project. Looking up at her, he saw her smile, nod her head, and ask for a pen. Dan followed suit, although he had some misgivings. But, he reasoned, “I don’t want to screw this up for Helen. She’d be mad if I said something.”
“Great!” Ed said as he took the signed confidentiality agreements from Dan and Helen. “Now, let me tell you about the client and the project. The client is a cigarette company, and we’re looking for a creative way to market one of their brands.” Ed paused, looked at Helen and Dan, and continued. “That’s not a problem, is it?” he inquired. With a laugh, he added, “Some people have a problem with that,” and he looked over at Helen for a reaction. Dan did so as well.
Again, Helen smiled, and said, “Oh, no, that’s okay with me. But how about you, Dan? Is that okay with you?” Dan felt trapped—what else could he do except to say, “Sure. No problem.”
But it was a problem. Dan’s father had died two years earlier from heart disease. A heavy smoker, his dad quit five years earlier when he had his first heart attack. Dan was not a fan of cigarettes, and he felt sick to his stomach when he heard what the project would entail. The meeting continued for another hour. Helen looked to Dan’s expertise, and Dan became animated about what the firm could do for the client. He had a few creative ideas that he shared at the meeting. At the end of the meeting, he said that he’d need to think this through before coming up with a proposal. As Helen and Dan left the building, she looked at him and said, “I was surprised that you were so positive about this. I really hate the whole idea!” Dan was dumbfounded. He was only playing along with what Helen wanted, and he turned to her to say, “I can’t believe that! Smoking killed my father, and I hate the smell of cigarettes. The whole idea stinks! Why did you lead me on that way?”
What happened to Dan and Helen? And what will they do about it?
The Emotionally Intelligent Manager Analysis
The essential problem in this story is that Dan was aware of his own emotions but misperceived Helen’s. He could have picked up on how she shifted in her seat, indicating discomfort, or that she often looked down, indicating some degree of uncertainty, or pressed her lips in a sign of displeasure and disagreement. The cues were there, but Dan failed to see them or, perhaps, to accurately identify them. Then Dan proceeded to ignore his own discomfort with the whole idea. Dan felt guilty and a little angry with himself and with Helen. Helen felt annoyed that she was trapped into offering a proposal to her client—a proposal that she really did not want to make. The ad agency people were happy and content, as they believed that Dan would come up with an exciting and innovative solution to their problem.
However, not recognizing Helen’s reaction to the client during-the meeting, Dan dutifully forged ahead in his support of Helen’s client and the new business opportunity. As Dan went ahead to try to develop a proposal, he created additional problems. He was later taken aback when Helen revealed her feelings about the client.
A Plan for the Emotionally Intelligent Manager
The challenge was for Dan and Helen to find a way to get out of the project without damaging their relationship with the agency.
- Let’s use the emotional intelligence model to help Dan and Helen figure out what to do. Here are the steps:
- Identify Emotions: How does the client feel?
- They were feeling happy and content.
- Use Emotions: What are they thinking about?
They may be brainstorming about new ideas and how to move the project forward.
Understand Emotions: Can Dan and Helen make emotional predictions? What would happen if Dan called to say that he can’t work with a tobacco company? Being happy and content and expecting a positive outcome, if the actual outcome is negative, the client may become frustrated, irritated, and angry.
Manage Emotions: What should Dan do?
The goal is to get out of the project. Ideally, Dan and Helen would also maintain a positive relationship with the client and, perhaps of greater importance, with each other. This last point is one that many people fail to consider.
What happened next? Dan apologized to Helen, indicating that he was trying to be supportive but that he misread the situation entirely. He offered to try to think of a way to rescue the client relationship.
Dan called the client and said that, on discussing the plan with Helen and reviewing possible options, he needed to bow out of the project. “I wanted to be as helpful as possible to you, and my enthusiasm got the better of me. Back here, I’ve been trying to come up with a way that I can help you meet your goals, but I can’t do it. I came back to the office and started to do some research on the concept I proposed. I found out that it can’t be done. I can suggest a few alternatives to you, and I’ll write them up and e-mail them to you by tomorrow afternoon. I’m really sorry that I can’t help. Helen has spoken about you many times, and I also feel that I let her down, as well as you.”
Dan did generate some ideas for the clients to consider and, after e-mailing them, followed up with a phone call to see whether they understood the concepts and wanted to proceed with any of his suggestions. He repeated his apologies, making clear that it was his problem, not Helen’s.
The Outcome and Lessons Learned
After Dan apologized, he provided information to Helen on the ethical considerations surrounding the project. With Dan’s okay, she contacted the client, apologized for the confusion they had created, and underscored Dan’s concerns about the ethical issues. She wanted to give them a “heads up” and suggested that they rethink the strategy and, certainly, involve their legal department in future planning.
The relationship between Dan and Helen was strained by this conflict, but it weathered the storm and recovered. They remained an effective team and worked together on many other projects. Dan learned a few lessons from this experience. One thing he has tried to do is to be much clearer—with himself—about the information contained in his emotions.
A year later, the client had not sent any business Helen’s way. However, her relationship with her contact at the agency was, and is, solid.