Because the skills of emotion are usually not taught explicitly, all sorts of folk wisdom of varying quality and effectiveness surrounds the remedies for emotional distress. Some home remedies for emotions do work, of course, and others work for the wrong reasons. Let’s take a quick look at a few of the emotion home remedies that we’ve all heard of, but that are not very effective.
What Doesn’t Work
The “eat, drink, and be merry” approach to stress relief does not work. But answer these questions, and decide for yourself.
Have you been traveling a lot? Possibly experiencing the aftereffects of the latest organizational re-engineering effort? Are you being asked by management to work smarter, not harder, and don’t have a clue how to do that? If so, you have a lot of company, and you are probably experiencing a lot of stress.
Common wisdom might suggest that you give yourself a break and do something enjoyable—possibly, have a beer. Actually, have a beer, some chocolate cake, and a cigarette, and you probably will feel a whole lot better. There’s no doubt that giving in to our impulse to eat and drink often helps alleviate stress. It helps us forget about what was preying on our mind.
The problem with giving in to these impulses is that the strategy-only works in the short term. The problem that caused the stress will still be there in the morning, only now, another day will have gone by and we haven’t addressed it. We feel worse, and perhaps the problem has grown worse. The lesson is that we can pay a price for trying to feel good!
Let us emphasize that we are not recommending that you drink beer, smoke cigarettes, or eat chocolate to manage your moods. That does not work, as Robert Thayer’s research, to be discussed later in this chapter, reveals.
Similarly, escapist strategies that don’t work very well include watching television and daydreaming. Sure, one might feel different emotions after distracting oneself in these ways, but such feelings are often short-lived. And because television viewing involves so little mental or physical effort, we can sometimes feel even more negative after engaging in it. Imagine how you would feel if, because you were in a bad mood, you spent mindless hours channel surfing in front of the TV set (or computer screen) rather than being engaged in a more productive and enjoyable task. You’d perhaps feel a bit guilty and irritable.
What Does Work
Just as music has a powerful emotional influence on us, so does writing. James Pennebaker’s research shows that people who write about their feelings are able to lower their blood pressure and heart rate. Other researchers have discovered that writing about emotions has a positive impact on our immune system and how we cope with difficult situations. Even coping with job loss can be influenced by writing about our feelings and emotions.
Writing About Emotions
It is not just the act of writing that has these beneficial effects; specifically, it’s writing about our deepest feelings and emotions and integrating them with the thoughts we have about the situation that produced them. The best writing—the most emotionally healthful writing—has these elements. Such writing uses:
- Positive emotion words frequently
- Negative emotion words moderately
- Causal words and phrases like “caused me to” and “led me”
- Insight words and phrases like “understand” and “realize”
To write a healthy emotions journal, you should:
- Write for at least twenty minutes each day.
- Write without stopping.
- Keep on writing without thinking about what to say or how you want to say it; don’t edit your thoughts or your written work.
- Include positive emotion words, as well as causal and insightful phrases.
What should you write about? It almost doesn’t matter. You can write about any event that lets you explore your deepest emotions and thoughts.
Rather than keep a journal, you can write a letter to a friend or possibly an imaginary person. You don’t need to actually send the letter. You can even write a newspaper article or a report— whatever works for you.
Exercising
Psychologists have found that exercise is an excellent way of restoring emotional balance. Robert Thayer believes that exercise is a key ingredient in the management of mood. If you find that you often feel tense, angry, depressed, or just overwhelmed by your feelings, you might consider starting a regular exercise program. Try to do aerobic exercise at least three times a week for about twenty to thirty minutes a session. Excellent aerobic exercises include brisk walking, running, cycling, swimming, doing step-aerobics, and playing sports such as basketball, soccer, or field hockey.
Does this sound like too much for you to handle? Do you already exercise? Exercise does not always involve running ten miles. Even a simple, brisk walk around the block, up a few flights of stairs, or around the office can help restore your calm and provide you with more energy.
The easy way to get a boost of energy is to grab a cup of coffee, a Coke, or a candy bar. These things work, but they don’t work for a long enough time. The biggest problem with a non-exercise solution to boosting energy is that after the effects of the caffeine and the sugar wear off, you are often in an even worse frame of mind.
Still don’t believe it? Try it a few times. Take a five-minute brisk walk or climb the stairs rather than ride the elevator. It’s really hard to exercise when you’re tired, but it is the best way to energize yourself. (Of course, before you begin an exercise program, you should consult with your physician.)